Relationships are hard


I was listening to one of my favorite speakers the other day and she referred to a story in Mark that comes AFTER the crucifixion. BEFORE the resurrection. Peter had denied Christ 3 times. They were all feeling kind of lost and not knowing what to do next. Peter said he was going fishing. His friends were aware that he had betrayed their leader-friend, Jesus, yet they all said they would go with him. This speaker said that could be a week's worth of lessons at a women's conference. I think what she meant is that what his friends did was a wonderful indication of the friendship they had. They weren't stuck on his betrayal of Jesus, but knew he was hurting and decided to stick together.

Personally, I struggle with this. I can count on one hand the friends I've had for more than a few months. I think I'm lazy. It takes a lot of effort to keep a friendship going. I had one friend who called me every single day just to chat. I had 3 kids of my own and took care of 2 others. I didn't have the patience for that. Every day she asked me what was new. I remember telling her one day that I had just talked to her the day before and that there was nothing new. I told her I didn't know what she wanted me to talk about. She didn't call me back. I felt like a heel.  Don't get me wrong; if you need something, give me a call. I'll do what I can. I'll sit with you in ER. I met a young lady at the bus station at night as she traveled through our town so she wouldn't be alone. I even bought a friend a refrigerator once. 

I have kids and now grown grandkids. Both my parents are still alive (my dad is over 100). I have two sisters and one brother still alive. Spending time with friends takes the energy I should be using for them. My husband has physical and mental issues and I spend a lot of energy on making sure he gets his pills, gets his insulin and gets to his appointment. All that takes energy. I say I'm lazy. Maybe I am, maybe not. I have been friends with one lady for 20 years now. Most of that time has been living in different states so doesn't take a lot of effort. I have gone to visit her twice. We were texting almost every day for a year. Someone close to me was bothered that I was spending that time with non-family. 


Relationships are hard and at 68 years old I still haven't found the balance.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love like Jesus, #laryngectomy, #laryngectomee

  sisters  Tomorrow will be the memorial service for my dad's passing. I have to realize that life continues. There will be difficult days ahead. But there are good days coming. Of 6 kids growing up, 4 of us remain. Lucy, me, Patty, Joe, in that order (names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Patty, even though the next to the last, has become the one who can organize and plan and make decisions better than the other 3 of us. She and her husband make a good team. He has a servant's heart as well and is always willing to help with physical labor or sage advice. Of all 4 girls growing up, Patty was the youngest girl but then later had the oldest husband. (My oldest sister who died several years ago, had the youngest husband. That always cracked me up.) Patty and her husband have the largest home of any of us and so is the one who gets stuck hosting get togethers. Always, always, always with love and kindness.  And it was with that same love and kindness that she to...
Read more

Laryngecomy or not?

Image
Today is August 31, 2024! Many decisions have come along the way in my life but one of the biggest was my laryngectomy. Most people have a laryngectomy as a last resort. They either die or have a laryngectomy. Sometimes it's an emergency and a person doesn't even know it's going to happen but they wake up from a surgery with no voice box. I can't imagine the fear involved in that.  I can't imagine not being a part of such a big decision.   It's been a mere two years since my laryngectomy. It was 2019 I was told my cancer had returned. The doctors in my city told me I needed a laryngectomy immediately. I sought a 2nd opinion, then a 3rd opinion; all doctors were saying I needed a laryngectomy. Then a co-worker asked his doctor who had done a tracheotomy on him, and that doctor said my best option was a laryngectomy.  I had a biopsy done to determine the type of cancer I had. That doctor repeated his insistence that I needed a laryngectomy. I requested a PET scan ...
Read more

I have to be available

Image
  It's been too long since I have posted. We got a 4 month old puppy from my daughter whose dog had 10 puppies. He came to us as Arthur, but we are going with MacArthur as it is easy to abbreviate into Mac. I showed my daughter a picture of him standing on the concrete picnic table on our back patio. I said he's acting like he's king of the hill. She said that's about right. So he came to us wanting things his way. He doesn't like going out in the cold rain so we've had several messes in the house. The dog we've had for 5 years is not a fan. She is an alpha female and doesn't really get along with other dogs. She mostly ignores MacArthur and acts like we've hurt her feelings by bringing him into the house. Oh well. What's done is done. They don't fight so as long as there is peace in the house, I guess they'll survive together. On Tuesday my 94 year old mom fell and broke her face. Yes, her face; her nose and a few bones in her face. She ...
Read more

"I can't breathe!" #laryngectomee life

Image
I breathe through a hole in my neck. We laryngectomees often use a device called an HME (heat/moisture exchange). This helps keep the airway moist. A dry, irritated, airway can be deadly. I found that out last Thanksgiving Day. I got bronchitis a week before and I hadn't been following the care protocol of squirting saline into my stoma that helps keep it moist. I started coughing up small amounts of blood. I wasn't too concerned until things went south. (It was gross so I won't say anymore.)   I was struggling to breathe. I did what I could to clear my airways but that wasn't working so I dug my suction machine out of the closet, hooked it up, and began suctioning. When I could catch a little breath, I went to the living room and told my husband to call 911. I've mentioned earlier that my husband has some physical and mental issues. He didn't call 911. Instead he wheeled himself to the door and told someone outside that I had asked to call 911. My kids were try...
Read more

More Loss

Image
  It has been so long since I've posted. (I realize I have no "followers". Someone might happen upon my site and read a blog or 2. That's fine. God brings who he wants to see this.) You might have read previously that my dad died last summer 2 days after his 103rd birthday. Even though he was old, his death came on suddenly one morning. It wasn't a slow, go to sleep and not wake up, type death. He woke up and told my sister something wasn't right. He died that morning. My sister didn't have time to let us know.  Yesterday morning my mom passed away 11 days after her 95th birthday. She was in a natural coma at the end and we all had a chance to say what we needed to say; to say "Goodbye".  She had fallen again back about January 21, 2025. She broke her other leg and they did surgery. Because she lost so much blood her blood pressure dropped. She was put in ICU for 4 or 5 days then onto a regular floor. She never really went back to eating much. Sh...
Read more

Peaceful Part of the Day - #laryngectomee, #laryngectomy

Image
One of my favorite times of the day is early morning. I don't know what that means for you but for me that's around 7:00ish. I love to sit outside and enjoy the coolness before the heat kicks in. Sometimes I just sit and listen to the birds. Sometimes I'll bring my bible out here and do my quiet time out here. This morning, well, I brought my laptop out here and wanted to share this beautiful day with you. I mostly enjoy these mornings on my patio because they remind me of mornings as a kid. My mom would be pulling weeds in her flower garden and I would be on our large patio riding my trike. Sometimes I would help but mostly I played. Sometimes I played on the swing set. It was a small basic one but the swings worked just as well as the fancy one we got later on.  When I'm out here I'm not as distracted. I don't notice a kitchen that needs cleaning or a craft room that needs organizing. When I read my bible I am distracted by so many things and it's hard to ...
Read more

Forgive 7 times A DAY!

Image
  I bet you've heard that the bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. I was reading in Luke 17 this morning and came across something that, according to my notes, I noticed back in 2015. I mark up my bible and put the date that I did that. I like to think back at what was going on in my life at the time. But honestly 2015 (?) I have no idea. And this scripture isn't for a particular day anyway. It's for always, forever and ever. Vs 4 says "And if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times saying 'I repent', forgive him". What I circled in my bible was "a day". If he sins against you seven times A DAY, forgive him.  Each day...forgive him. That adds up over the weeks and months and years. I can only forgive that much with the Lord in my heart. NOW, I'm kinda getting hung up on the guy coming back 7 times "saying 'I repent'". How often are we confronted with someone who does NOT come back with ...
Read more