shy/insecure/maybe a bit paranoid #laryngectomee, #laryngectomy

I was a shy lass. Making eye contact is still difficult for me. 

I mentioned before that kids were unkind to me in grade school. Now whether I was shy and unusually quiet and that's why kids picked on me, or did kids pick on me and THEN I became shy and unusually quiet? I don't know. I kinda think I was always shy. I was always the last one picked to be on a team. I was the slowest in the 100 yard dash and I could never make it to the top of that stupid rope. 

They made fun of me 'til I cried and when I cried they laughed at me. So I became  withdrawn. I stayed away from people when possible. As an adult I learned to cope. I learned to trust people a little more. 

When I lost my voice box it became more difficult to be around people. I have to have a lot of determination and patience to be understood. If my voice prosthesis is working, you can bet it will start malfunctioning about halfway through a meal. Some people don't even bother trying to talk during a meal. Talking on the phone is difficult and even those services that say they can help decipher what I'm saying over the phone can't help if my voice isn't working, and they aren't always that good. I gave up on them. My husband is sometimes able to help me with phone calls. If he doesn't understand me, I write stuff down. I keep a white board with erasable markers in my purse AT ALL TIMES. Sometimes it's just easier to drive to a place to talk in person.

I'm baring my soul to you guys because I think I'm not the only one. I want to help people see they're not alone. They need to know that other people struggle the same way, or maybe it's a different struggle. But know that it's ok to be different and it's ok to share your struggles. 

I saw a video, it was probably one of those Reels that pop up on social media, but this lady was telling the story of when she had been talking to a complete stranger about the problems she was having with her son. When she told a friend, her friend didn't understand why she would share such personal information like that with a total stranger. She told her friend that everybody needs to know that we all struggle and they need to know to Whom we go in the midst of the struggles. She was simply sharing how God was helping her through her struggles. 

So here I be....talking about my insecurities, opening myself up for criticism and abuse. But I hope that some of you will find encouragement in my writings and know that God will help you through as well. 

Blessings,




Mary


Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 6, 2024 at 3:17 PM

    Hi Mary! Sherry Lens from Web Whispers here! Although it’s my husband that has the Laryngectomy, I completely relate to the shyness! I was so self conscious about myself in school that I wouldn’t try out for anything, I felt invisible and as a teen they called me mute! So glad life and age lol brought me out of it but it was crushing as a child.
    I really enjoyed your post and understand about eating. Terry has a difficult time trying to have a conversation while trying to eat also. Most times we eat in silence, it’s all those little things you don’t think about that you end up missing the most.
    Glad to finally post and please just keep going and as we all can only do, one day at a time ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary OKCSeptember 7, 2024 at 12:07 AM

      Hi Sherry! I'm so glad you were able to comment. So sorry you went through that as a kid. It is crushing as a child. Thank you for your feedback. I wasn't sure whether to post this one or not. Fear of rejection maybe. So thank you for your encouragement. God bless you!

      Delete

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